Sex at office

The following is the result of a comprehensive multi organizational

study of human sexuality in the United States:



Statistical Findings:



10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date

20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place

36% of the women favor nudity

45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes

46% of the women experienced anal sex

70% of the women prefer sex in the morning

80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations

90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest

99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.



Conclusion:



Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having

anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest

than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.



Moral:



Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

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Love and Marriage

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"


The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat
field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: -
you can go through them only once & cannot turn back
to pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat,
but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger
one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to
realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he
knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher
told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for better ones, but
when later you realise, you have already missed the person...."*



*"What is marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn
field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you
can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to
repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he
has picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied, and came back to
the
teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for
one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best
one you get.... this is marriage."*

SEX FACTS

MEN
1) 94% of men lie about their dick size.According to condom manufacturers, only 6% ofmen need to use extra large condoms.
2) The average man is 5 inches long when erect(no matter what you have heard ladies, that's thetruth). (incidentally the average vaginal capacity isonly 6 inches, for you women who think you can handleking dong)
3) 80% of American men are circumcised. Eventhough Paediatrics say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say, nothing canmake your penis grow but time (most men reachthe end of their growth by the early 20's)
5) There is no correlation between penis size andshoe size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It's technicallycalled "prostatic congestion."
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates.

Women
1) Only 9% of women around the globe considerthemselves "attractive" (20% of British womendo). 43% of women use the term "natural", 24% saythey have "average" looks, 8% prefer theterm "feminine", 7% say they are "good looking",and 7% say they are "cute", and finally only 2% ofwomen say they are "sexy".
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrongsize bra.
3) 60% of women have had breast implants.
4) 75% of women like giving/getting oral sex.
5) 95% of women shave their privates.

Harley Davidson

"Women" this is not offending..Its just a laugh!
The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"

Arthur said, "Yea, that's me..."
God commented, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!


"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may

be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according

to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Logical and Legal

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student
goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can
give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you
however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and
neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the
student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as
agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same
question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35
year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year
old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given
your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is
neither legal, nor logical."

why men love female's butts

Why do men love female's butts:

1) Female butts are round and just fits their palms.
2) They are similar to the boobs sometimes larger.
3) Bottoms can squeezed harder they can with the boobs.
4) Man's best friend is just a few centimeter away.

Know about your cigarette

Adult jokes

Similarities BRA and BAR

Both are drinking joints
Both have restriction time on closing and opening timings.
Both are flashy.
When open, both drive men mad.
********************************************************
Why women wear undergarments with flowers printed on them?
To pay tribute to men who got buried under them.
********************************************************
Why was the sardar arrested in the political rally?
Because he saw a lady journalist going with a badge on her chest which said 'PRESS' and he did.
******************************************************
There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.
The Female pencil got pregnant!!
Which Male pencil is responsible?
THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER
******************************************************
Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts her occupation as
CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied: I RAISED 500 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!
******************************************************
Secretary saw her boss' pant's zip open, she tells him, "Sir your Garage door is open."
Boss : Did U see my FERRARI?
Secretary : I saw a small scooter with 2 punctured wheels.
******************************************************

Male Athletes Prefer Female Team Physicians

---

Many studies in coaching literature have found that male athletes tend to prefer a male coach. Newly released research from the University of Alberta has indicated that male athletes actually prefer a female team physician to attend to their medical issues, including those related to sexual health.

"What we found is that male athletes tend to feel that female team physicians are more caring and sympathetic towards their medical issues and are easier to talk to," said University of Alberta researcher Dr. Marni Wesner. "It appears that it is the stereotypical 'mothering' or nurturing aspect of a female personality that male athletes appreciate."

More of it from www.sciencedaily.com

---

Laloo on the beach

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Love and Marriage

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love is holding hands in the street.

Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favourite restaurant.

Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a  sofa.

Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.

Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.

Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.

Marriage is a drive on topsy turvy tarmac

Love is losing your appetite.

Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.

Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.

Marriage is a fight for the remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.

Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

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Quotations on Sex

Quotations About Sex

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. --- Tom Clancy

You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. --- Steve Martin

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. --- Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. --- Rodney Dangerfield

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. --- Lynn Lavner

Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist. --- Matt Barry

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. --- George Burns

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant. --- George Burns

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. --- Sharon Stone

My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading. ---Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computer)

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. --- Jack Nicholson

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. --- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady) (and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour)

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. --- Robin Williams

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.--- Roseanne

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.--- Billy Crystal

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. --- Robert De Niro

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? --- Dustin Hoffman

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, "I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." --- Jerry Seinfeld

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. --- Rod Stewart

Education Please

Porpoises and chimpanzees enjoy engaging in group sex.

Bizarrely, mouse sperm is longer than elephant sperm.

Male penguins only ejaculate once a year.

Hamsters are very sexually active, having sex up to 75 times a day.

The average chimpanzee takes only 10 seconds to copulate.

Fish practice fellatio.

The female mantis eats its mate's head during sex ? And the male mantis finishes the sex act without it.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure, rather than just reproduction.

In his lifetime, the average male will ejaculate about half a trillion sperm.

On average, men think about sex every 7 minutes.

According to research, people who have sex once or twice a week have better immune systems.

The technical term for the missionary position is Venus observa.

The average male erection is 5.5? To 6? Long.

For every 35lb of extra weight a man has, his penis will appear to be one inch smaller.

Most men and women experienced their first orgasm on their own.

Men reach their sexual peak in their late teens.

Women reach their sexual peak in their early 30s.

On average, men ejaculate about one tablespoon of sperm each time they have sex.

On average, it takes men only 6 minutes to reach orgasm.

The record for female orgasms in one hour is a massive 134.

The record for male orgasms in one hour is 16.

A fetish where people are aroused by licking an eyeball is called oculolinctus.

Humor mix

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The Shock - A Fantasy

It was twilight when I got on the bus. There were hardly a few people in the bus. I took on the back seat where it was empty. It looked gloomy today, maybe there will be some shower today. Good thing, it will be a solace for the summer heat. The clouds were thick and dark, blocking out the evening sunlight.

In the next stop a few of the commuters got down. Then my eyes glued on this petite one boarding the bus, dressed in a black leather mini-skirt and white cotton tops which shrug on to the firm breasts. The midriffs were clearly visible. As this gorgie was walking up to where I sat, my heart thumped and missed a beat when the seat in front of mine was taken. I could make the outline of the face, it was smooth. The hairs flowed down to the shoulders and some of it spilled over the headrest. Taking some courage, I moved my hands over the headrest to feel the hairs. I was slow and deliberate, passed my fingers between the strands, thrilled at what I was doing.

The bus was almost empty and there were only two others who were sitting far on the front side of the bus. After few minutes of hair ruffling, I felt that there was no way that what I did was unnoticed. As there was resistance, I slowly ran my fingers higher reaching over to the scalp. I let my fingers rest there. I was hyper tense and I could hear my heart beat like drums. Facing no resistance, I slowly ruffled the hairs giving a slow massage. I brought my other hands up for assistance and continued the massage. Standing up and leaning over the seat, I spread my fingers further sideways and felt the soft ears, rubbed slowly on the ears. Did I hear a moan?

I moved my hands and felt the soft cheeks, chins and ran my fingers over the lips. Moving out of my location, I moved to the front seat and sat beside this hottie. Looking dreamily at me, there was a smile and I too grinned. Grabbing both the cheeks, I could thing of nothing but plant a kiss on the pouty lips. Our lips locked and our tongues probed each others. We were breathing like hell there was hot air exchange. I was quick in grabbing one of tits. It felt soft but was firm. From nowhere a hands came out and started rubbing on my crotch. I lifted the cotton top to reveal the firm breasts. Running the nipples between my thumb and index finger, I rolled em till they engorged. My fly was being undone and my rigid tool was out. I felt like I was going to burst out any moment.

Running my hands on the white creamy thighs, I inched up. With my other hand, I pulled up the side zipper and unhooked the skirt. My tool juiced up as I moved my hands up between the legs and I felt something there. It was too late to realise my folly. I was fingering a Hermaphrodite.

How to avoid rape

Close to one in six women is raped at some point in her life, according to the U.S. Justice Department. Knowing how to avoid becoming a victim is something every woman needs to know.

If a woman feels threatened, only she can decide what is the best course of action to take in that moment, but research has identified certain strategies that seem to work better than others.

How to Avoid Becoming a Victim

Girls in their teens are particularly at risk with the age of 14 marking the peak risk age, according to the FBI. Experts advise always staying in well-lit areas and being aware of your surroundings to discourage potential attackers.

While You're Out

·         Don't leave your beverage unattended at a bar or party.

·         Don't accept a drink from an open container.

·         Watch out for your friends if you're at a party, and be sure to arrive and leave in a group.

·         Don't go to an isolated area with someone you don't know or trust.

·         When walking outside, walk facing traffic so a car cannot approach you unnoticed from behind.

·         Don't take shortcuts you're not familiar with or that are routed through dim, unpopulated areas.

·         If a motorist stops to ask you a question, keep walking and stay on the sidewalk. Don't approach the car.

·         Avoid areas that are filled with bushes, trees or shadows. Stay out in the open, in well-lit, busy areas.

While Driving

·         Keep your car doors locked and your windows rolled up when after dark.

·         When you approach your car in a parking lot, keep your keys in your hand, check to be sure no one is hiding inside the car, and then lock the doors as soon as you get in.

·         Don't pick up hitchhikers or stranded motorists whatever gender they are.

·         If you're in a traffic accident, don't get out of your car or open the window to talk to the other motorist. Stay inside and wait for the police to arrive.

·         Some rapists have impersonated police officers pulling over vehicles. If you are pulled over by an unmarked car at night while you're alone, only pull over in a well-lit area where other people are present. A real police officer will understand your concern.

At Work

·         Avoid stairwells and rarely used hallways.

·         Don't get into an elevator alone with anyone who seems suspicious. Trust your instincts on this.

·         When on an elevator, stand near the control panel so you can push the alarm button in an emergency.

·         When waiting for an elevator, stand away from the door so you can't be pulled on.

·         Call someone at home to let him or her know when you're leaving work at night, and when to expect you home.

·         If after dark, ask a security guard or colleague to walk with you to your car / public transportation.

On Public Transportation

·         Always stay alert; don't sleep or drift off on the bus or subway.

·         Take a seat close to the driver.

·         If someone seems suspicious, move away from the person to a seat closer to the driver or to another car.

·         Choose subway cars that are full of people.

·         Arrange for someone to meet you at your destination to walk or drive you home.

Crimes of this nature can also take place at a residence, and, among women victims of rape and sexual assault, 70 percent of the crimes were committed by intimates, relatives, friends or acquaintances, according to the U.S. Justice Department.

Remember: most victims know the rapists

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